Mackenzie Marie Kirkpatrick: Light of my life.

Mackenzie was born October 26th. I remember this date specifically, because it was the date of our previous dog, Lucky’s, death. When one light goes out in the world another is often lit, and for us, this was the case.

After we lost Lucky, our house felt empty. No one running to the door after school to greet you, no one to cuddle with and watch TV, no one to kiss your face when you cried, no one whose love could be felt without a single word shared, no love like a dogs’.

We couldn’t replace Lucky, but we needed to fill the huge void that had been left in our hearts and home and fill our lives with a light at a time that seemed so dark. We waited 10 months until we were ready. I began Googling dogs and stumbled upon a dog that really stood out to me. There was a breeder nearby and I called my mom over to look at the adorable faces on the screen, we both wanted to meet one.

The NEXT day we took the hour drive up to the breeder just to see what the puppies looked like and see if a Westie had the right personality for our family. My brother came along too. When we got to the shelter there were only 2 puppies left, both girls. The breeder introduced us to them and we noticed one had part of her ear bitten off. Evidently one of the other dogs had bitten it off only a few weeks prior. The breeder said that since she was ‘damaged’ she would only be $750 rather than the $1000 full price. ‘Damaged’? ‘Damaged’! No one was going to call this beautiful, innocent soul damaged ever again. She was ours. And her name was Mackenzie. We left with her 20 minutes later. We had not intended to pick up a dog that day but there was just something about this one that drew us in and connected all of our hearts.

When we brought her home, puppy life began. Sleeping in the kitchen so we could sing her back to sleep, cleaning up pee every hour of the day, and getting our fingers and toes bitten every time we sat down. Training eventually got easier and one day everything just clicked. She was perfect.

Mackenzie was the kind of dog that would get up and play the moment you were ready, and lay with you on those tired days. When my mom got sick and was bed ridden, Mackenzie would lay with her all day without once asking for a thing, not even to pee. When my dad or brother got home she would jump up and beg them to take her outside since she had been holding it for so long. She kept my mom company and was a major factor in her going into remission; none of us have any doubt in our minds.

The love I felt for Mackenzie could only be described as unconditional. It was the kind of love that throbbed in my heart every time I thought of her and burst in my chest when I got to hold her again. She was the absolute one, true, only love of my life – my friends knew it, my family knew it, my boyfriend knew it. I wish I could express to you just how much this dog meant to me.

Mackenzie was also the kind of dog that everyone else liked. I know everyone likes to think that people like their dog, but Mackenzie truly won hearts. She was friendly to all people and dogs and I could take her with me anywhere without worrying about a thing. Her heart was just so kind and caring that her presence lit up a room; she even drew people in at the dog park. People would cross fields to pet this dog.

I treated her more like a baby than a dog. Whether this was detrimental to her doggy needs, I won’t know, but nobody seemed to complain. She had a Flames jersey, a Stampeder’s sweater, a Dorothy costume, a plaid coat straight from Scotland, and a fairy princess costume complete with wings that she wore to her birthday parties. Yes, she had birthday parties – complete with a wet dog food cake and hotdog candles.

Life was good.

And then one day, it wasn’t.

Mackenzie had jumped off of a couch and hurt her paw. She didn’t feel like walking on it and spent a lot more time in bed. She didn’t jump up to greet us at the door and she asked to go out a lot more and often ate grass at this time. We figured she was just in some pain from her foot and we were giving her time feel better and heal… but she wasn’t and about 2 weeks later we found out why.

Mackenzie had stopped eating and drinking completely one day and upon further inspection my mom found a large mass in her stomach. We had never noticed before because we figured her lethargy was simply a hurt foot. We took her to the vet immediately. They put her under anesthetic and took a sample for the lab. All we had to do was wait but the vet was sure that it was simply swelling since their sample showed no sign of infection. We took Kenzie home and waited for the anesthetic to wear off. She was pretty loopy and didn’t seem to be feeling good so we kept a close eye on her. She started throwing up and we thought maybe she had been overdosed. Still, we waited.

I cuddled with her for a few minutes before bed and my mom set up a sleeping arrangement in the living room in case she needed anything.

The next morning my mom came into my room and told me they had rushed Kenzie to the emergency vet at 3:00a.m.. She said she knew something was wrong and she was not coming out of the loopy/sick cycle she was in. The vets gave her fluid and had her on watch. We would go visit her later that day.

That afternoon was my company Christmas lunch. My mom urged me to go and take my mind off of Kenzie since there was nothing we could do until she went in for her ultrasound, which would be later that day.

I went to the lunch and then to the office to kill time until my mom called me to go visit.

I got the call.

It was far from the call I expected.

The second I answered my heart shattered into 16 billion pieces. All I heard on the other end was crying. My mom had gone to the clinic to wait for the ultrasound and within minutes of her getting there Mackenzie passed away. Mackenzie had waited for her. My mom’s hand was on her but my poor little 6-year-old baby just could not fight the giant infection that had now taken over her body and her heart had stopped after many hours of unstable blood pressure.

I collapsed at work. My entire world went black. My boss picked me up off the floor and drove me straight to the clinic. I was screaming. I simply could not believe this was it. This couldn’t be it. She only had a hurt paw and a bump in her stomach. It had only been 2 weeks! How could we not have noticed sooner? How could we not have done anything more? How could anyone have let this happen?!

She was my world. My love. My everything. She was the light in my life.

We pulled up to the vet clinic and they asked me to wait in a room while they tried to find out where Mackenzie and my mom were. I was pacing and trying not to throw up. I was balling.

What seemed like 30 minutes later (but was likely only 4) someone came in and brought me to the room next door (yes, next door). I walked in and my world shattered once again. My angel was wrapped up in a soft white blanket being cradled by my crying mother. It was an image I will never forget for all of my years to come.

photo was taken of her sleeping when she was 3 but is representative of the same peace at death

I sat down beside my mom and she passed Mackenzie over to me. She had tubes taped to her and she was still. Oh so still. The term ‘deathly still’ all of a sudden sank in. I could do nothing but cry, scream, shake, and fall into a dark deep silence with a steady stream of tears being wiped by my mother. I rocked Mackenzie for comfort hoping that she knew and felt the deepest love someone could offer.

My brother was at work and waiting for someone to come and relieve him of duty. We waited. I rocked. We cried. It was silent. When he got there I passed our baby to him. He cried.

An hour passed and the thought of leaving her there to be cremated tore us apart. How could we just leave her like that? Did we even want that? To get another jar? Lucky was in a jar. It just seemed so… final… and yet… so unrepresentative of her and her life and our love. Our angel - A jar of powder.

Eventually we tore ourselves away and my brother drove me home. I couldn’t see to drive. Everything was dark. And I took the next few days off of work. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t… life.

We got home and we were back… back to no one running to the door after school to greet us, no one to cuddle with and watch tv with us, no one to kiss our faces when we cried (and we cried), no one whose love could be felt without a single world shared, no love like a dogs’… Like Mackenzie’s.

Two months later and my life is still dim, but it is not dark - my figurine, photos, and commissioned paintings help, more than the jar of powder (which we did still get). They help me remember her, they help me feel her, and they help me heal. As the days go on it gets brighter and maybe one day it will be light, not because I will forget, but because I will be able to remember her light.

A light that cast no shadow.

Sarah Kirkpatrick www.travelphotolenses.com

Instagram: @travelphotolenses Twitter: @smak_media

#blog #pets #dog #rainbowbridge